I've Failed
by Chocofreakazoid
Summary: It's been years since Severus Snape and Lily Evans had spoken to each other. But when he learns of her engagement to James Potter, he knows he has to talk some sense into her. After all, they both agreed he was an arrogant toerag, right? REVIEW PLEASE!


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

**I've Failed**

_Dear Lily,_

_Is it true you are engaged to James Potter? I have heard the rumors but I cannot believe it. It can't be true! How could you fall in love with that arrogant toerag? You always said to me you hate his guts. Is this to punish me? Punish me for being so foolish, punish me for ruining our friendship? I can't allow you to do this to yourself. You deserve better than him. I-_

Severus sighed. He had never felt more agitated in his entire life. He had only learned of Lily Evans intentions to marry James Potter and knew at once, this wedding should not happen. He had failed once, but would not do so again. He crumpled up the sheet of parchment and tossed it in the rubbish bin.

Writing wouldn't work. His emotions were far too powerful for mere words. He had to see her, force her to understand that he could not live without her. That he needed her. That James Potter was not worthy enough to be with her. A wry smile touched him lips. He had never seen anyone less worthy. After all, she was beautiful, intelligent and loving. Potter was just another idiot full of lust.

He cursed, feeling angry and frustrated. Why should _Potter_ be lucky enough to marry Lily? He always had everything Severus wanted: loving parents, lots of friends and half the girls at Hogwarts had fancied him. Why did he get the one person most precious to him? Why?

He then decided that he needed to escape his tiny, oppressive bedroom. He walked out of the house, down the street, away from Spinner's End. The warm glow of the sun felt good on his face, the fresh air cleared his head. He breathed in and continued walking.

_If only... if only I could tell her how I feel_ he thought. But it wasn't an option. He would be laughed at, scorned or worse, pitied upon. She was the only person who ever shown him kindness, tolerance and what did he do in return? He spat it back in her face. Another wave of remorse washed over him.

"Severus?" said a voice behind him. Severus spun around to see Lily Evans watching him incredulously. He suddenly realized he had been pacing in front of her house.

"Oh, Lily," he said, smiling weakly. She frowned. He could not help but notice she was more beautiful than he remembered with her long, red hair rippling down the middle of her back. Her emerald, green eyes were as vivid as ever.

"What are you _doing_ here? You've been here for at least ten minutes!"

"I, I didn't notice." Which was true. He had been concentrating too much on his thoughts to think about where he was going.

Lily was watching him with a guarded expression. Severus' standing with her obviously had not changed. He hoped that years away from him might have softened her up, but apparently this was not the case.

"Is it true you're marrying James Potter," he blurted out. Even he could hear the plea in his voice for reassurance, that this was some huge joke. Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Yes I am." Her tone clearly indicated that she was not going to let him insult Potter.

Despite this, Severus said "But I though you hated him? That he was an arrogant toerag!" Lily sighed impatiently.

"I said that _years_ ago. Things have changed."

"Changed so much that you marry you enemy?"

"He's not my _enemy_! He's my fiancé and I love him!" She looked upset, yet confused at the same time.

"How can you love him? He embarrassed you so much at school! He was annoying and horrible! You told me you knew what kind of person he was!" His voice was thick with emotion. "I won't let you do this!"

"_Let_ me? You won't _let_ me? She looked outraged. He suddenly remembered the last time he said something like this happened.

Severus hastily stepped back, cowering under her livid glare. "I just meant that- well- he doesn't love you!"

"You don't know that," Lily said coldly. They stood staring, and in Lily's case, glaring at each other. A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed when Lily said "What brought this on?" She sounded a bit calmer, but nonetheless intimidating.

"Wh-what?"

"Why have you come after all these years? This isn't just about James," her eyes bore into mine, as if the answer was written on them.

"I- I..."

"What do you really want to accomplish?" The intensity of her gaze made Severus want to kiss her.

This was it. He was so close to revealing his love for her, closer than he'd ever been in years. It was oddly thrilling, but he never felt more scared in his life. Did he really want to tell her? Yes. But was he prepared to tell her? Was he past his fears? Severus wasn't sure.

"Lily," he said, breathing hard, tasting the sound of her name. "Lily I-"

But the words "love you" did not come out. He stood, his mouth hanging open.

"Well?" Lily demanded. Severus' cold, black eyes narrowed, and his mouth shut tightly.

"Lily!" She turned around to see James Potter, approaching her with his arms outstretched. Although she had her back turned to him, Severus could tell she was smiling back. She ran to Potter, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her. They looked so warm, happy and blissful together. He wished _he_ were the one holding Lily in his arms. His old hatred and jealousy was rising up inside him quickly.

Catching sight of Severus, Potter looked down at Lily and said "What's _he_ doing here?" He looked annoyed and a bit puzzled. They had not laid eyes on each other for years. Neither had forgotten how much they loathed each other.

"Nothing," said Severus before Lily could answer. "I was just leaving." He walked past them stiffly, making sure to knock Potter's shoulder hard before leaving.

He distinctly heard Potter say, "Is it just me, or has his hair gotten a _lot_ greasier?" His words made Severus Apparate home. He hurried up to his room and threw himself onto the mattress.

He failed. It was as simple as that. He didn't tell her he loved her, hadn't even convinced her that James Potter was still a conceited moron. Tears poured down his sallow face. He clutched a picture of Lily to his chest, wishing he did more.

Even to his dying day, when Lily was already gone, he wished he hadn't failed.

* * *

Hi people! There was my attempt at a romance/angst combo. So anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated. I really do want to know if you liked the story, hated it, think there's anything I could improve on etc. I'm open to criticism.

Thanks again,

-the Chocofreakazoid


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